Top Ten Things We Want to Hear Hamlet Say to his Ghost Dad

1. "You know what else is most horrible? Thy breath. Tic-tac, sir."

2. "Do you think I'll get two Christmas gifts from Claudius this year?"

3. "Can I get some money to go see Mockingjay?"

4. "Yes, they made it into two parts. This is only part one. Yes, just like Harry Potter. And The Hobbit."

5. "Wait, you're a Harry Potter fan?"

6. "Did you know how to pronounce Her-my-oh-knee before you heard it in the movies? Me neither, for like three books. Man, that was a murder most foul."

7. "See the thing is, I like Claudius better."

8. "What's a Lethe wharf?"

9. "If there's something strange, in the neighborhood, who ya gonna call?"

10. "I didn't understand a thing you just said. Hold on, I've got my footnotes right here..."